Why Adoption?

In a loving response to the question "Why?" It's a perfectly natural question. Yes, I'm aware that I've been blessed many times over. I have three perfectly healthy, perfectly beautiful, perfectly perfect boys. I'm in awe at how lucky I am. I read so many blogs where women just can't have babies, or have to spend thousands to have one. I'm lucky, mine just came. Sometimes when I planned it, sometimes as a surprise. But equally without work or cost. So, why are we spending money and going out of our way to get another child, when we already have three kids.

I realize in today's society having more that 2 children is cause for stares. It's cause for "You have your hands full, You know what causes that?, Are you done?, Better you than me, Are they ALL yours?, and the occasional stare. I have three children, I personally don't think that is over the top at all. When we had foster babes, we had 4, that was cause for all kinds of stares and comments. But we want more. So why adoption?

That story begins in 2006. I had three boys, all under 4 and none that were potty trained or slept through the night. I had major hip and back pain. I was exhausted. The doctors told me that if I had more than my hips wouldn't allow me to walk. I was scared. I was tired. Did I mention tired? So we decided to "take care of things" My husband had the surgery and we were done with babies. Fast forward 3 years. I was not done having babies! I realized that maybe if I had just given my body a break, maybe my hips wouldn't hurt, maybe my kids would have been potty trained, maybe they would be sleeping through the night. So we decided to look into foster-to-adopt care.

Well two years after that, we've had two placements and no permanent baby. Now don't get me wrong, I loved my foster babies. That's what made it even harder to give them back. Especially Baby J, we thought for over 6 months that he might be adoptable. Baby A, we knew pretty early on that she wouldn't be ours for long. So we decided to stop foster care for a minute. In the mean time I realized that I really did want another child.

I feel that I was meant to be a mother, I could never imagine doing something else. I feel that the surgery, done in a time of tired panic, took that opportunity away from me. Now, we've been asked, "Why don't you just reverse it?" We did consider that, but after doing foster care, we had our eyes wide open to the thousands of children already here, in need of a home. This was our personal conviction. (not a put down to anyone who's done a reversal) Our personal conviction to bring home one or two of the children in waiting.

We looked into all forms of adoption, foreign, domestic, infant, older children, and waiting children. We decided on waiting children. We came to this decision pretty quickly. As foster parents we're aware of all the waiting children in the USA, over 123,00! Also, as our youngest is 5, neither of us were certain we wanted to "start over" with a newborn or infant.

So in honor of our coming 4th child, here are four reasons why we're adopting:

1. We love children. We're a family household that thrives on activities, noise, controlled chaos, dreams, painting, cooking, laundry, dishes, playdough, Garfield, football, Nascar, large cars, extra freezers of food, and all the fun and joy that comes with a larger family.

2. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 We feel convicted to adopt and bring one or two of God's children home to a forever home. We have more room and more love to give.


3. "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift. When we had the surgery, we took that gift away from our family. While we're choosing not to have more biological children, we hope that God sees fit to bless and reward our family with more children.

4. Why not? Our house is loud and so joy filled right now, why not add some more to the mix?

Yes, it's scary. We don't know what child will be entering our home. It's hard to let go of the easy life I have at this moment and "walk out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown" (to quote some song, I can't remember who) But we know that there is good waiting for us, more blessings, more smiles, more hugs. There is a child who needs a home, who needs loving parents and siblings. We feel that we can be that family! So for all these and many more reasons. That is why we're adopting!

2/16/11

There is an amazing couple at my church. They cannot have children of their own. I don't understand this. At all. They are so loving and caring. K runs the Awana program, both P and K work in Kidz Worship. They even take care a a 12 year girl. They have been raising her almost her whole life. She doesn't live with them, but I can't imagine where she would be without them. She's truly a lucky little girl to have two people care so much about her. For the life of me, I don't understand why God wouldn't allow these two people to have a child. They have so much love to give. Well about 11 months ago K's stepsister became pregnant. I don't know the whole story, I only know that she wants K and P to raise the baby. They took her home from the hospital and have been taking care of her ever since. And by taking care of her, I mean loving her within an inch of her life. There's nothing more precious than seeing P hold his daughter. He's a huge teddy bear of a man and Baby G is so tiny and looks minuscule in her daddy's large hands. He has a hawks eye on her when he does allow someone else to hold her, which is rare. It's beautiful to watch, these two who wanted a child so badly, to have one to call their own.

This is where the story turns sad and frankly, pisses me off. The biological father of Baby G is fighting for custody of her. He wasn't around for the whole pregnancy, the birth, or her life until this point. A prayer request came across our church email to pray for them. If I'm to be perfectly honest, I'm having a hard time understand God's plan right now. I know He has a plan and this is part of it. I just can't wrap my mind around why they have to now fight for this baby. She's so safe and loved where she is. This "father" to me seems to be fighting out of spite. It makes me so angry that they have to go through this. If anyone could just see K and P with Baby G for just 30 seconds, you could see how much see is loved and wanted. Any judge in the right mind would give Baby G to them. But a father has rights. I can't stand the thought of them losing her. It breaks my heart.

So I pray. Father, please allow K and P to keep their baby. Please, let all this mess just go away. Please soften the birth father's heart. Allow him to see that this is what is best for his child. They are so wonderful people and Baby G couldn't be better off anywhere else. Lord, please give K and P comfort and peace during this trial. Lord, wrap them up tight and let them know it will be okay. I know you have a plan, but from an Earthly human perspective, it's hard to see and harder to understand. Please, let this work itself out quickly and allow them to be the family that they so richly deserve to be. Amen.

2/14/11

Happy Valentine's Day! If you've never heard, there is a great event called Women of Faith held all over the country. I went last year and it was so amazing and refreshing and encouraging! I signed up to go again this summer. It's actually the day after my hubby and I's 10 year anniversary. So it was kind of a choice, but he insisted that I go and enjoy myself. During the end of service yesterday, the leader of the WoF group, gave a little presentation on it. She was discussing how some women can't afford the trip and that they always try to make a way for anyone who wants to go to be able to go. She was also talking about giving the trip as a Valentine's Day gift, in case any husband forgot. My hubby waved at me from the choir :)

My thoughts immediately went to the family sitting right behind me. This amazing women, lost her husband last year to cancer. She has three fairly young kids. Two boys and a girl. I thought, I hope she goes, she needs to get away. Then my thought process said, who's going to watch her kids so she can go (mind you this was a very fast thought process, as my thoughts run away from me) Sitting there, I thought, well if Johnny can watch her boys, maybe she can find a place for her daughter and be able to come. Now, I hadn't discussed this with Johnny yet, but I said a quick prayer about it and heard "Do it, do it" It sounded just like my voice, but I don't use that phrase often :). So as soon as service was over I crawled over to face her. I said "I'm going this summer, if you want to come, Johnny will watch the boys for you and you can find a place for your daughter" She just stared at me for a moment. Shook her head and said "She wants to come" Her daughter had just asked her if they could go and she told her, the obstacle was finding a place for the boys. She said they would pray about it. Not two minutes later, I was in in her face saying Johnny could keep the boys. So she and her daughter get to go and have a girl weekend, and Johnny gets to stay home with 5 boys, but her boys will get to have some male bonding time for the weekend! I love how God is in the details!

2/13/11

A few days ago I was writing in my journal/prayer journal. I was asking for protection of all my pregnant mommy friends and their unborn babes. I was going through my head trying to remember them all. A certain friends name kept popping into my head, we'll call her "X". I didn't write her down, because X wasn't pregnant. She just had a baby this fall. I couldn't stop thinking about her for the whole prayer. I wrote her on facebook and told her I was thinking about her all during my prayer time. Well today she emailed me to let me know she is in fact pregnant and hadn't told anyone at the time of my prayer. She just told her family and decided to tell me as well! I'm over the moon excited for her, but at the same time, I'm excited for myself. That feeling in my heart was God telling me to pray for her. She has difficult pregnancy and it was important to pray. So while I didn't follow his guidance for a prayer for pregnancy, I did say a prayer for her safety. And now I know why! So yet another baby is coming into the world around the same time as my best friend and another close facebook friend. It's going to be a busy fall!

Delightful Dishes

I have to start with a bit of a back story. We've been hosting weekly/bi-monthly dinners at our house for the past few months. It's to get to know our church family a bit better in a more relaxed environment. Since we've NEVER hosted a sit down dinner, we've been short on place settings and silverware. Basically the kids eat first and I wash up their setting pieces so that the adults can eat. I mentioned this to someone and for the life of me I can't remember who. I may have even posted it on facebook. I've been planning to hit up thrift stores to fill in the missing pieces, who cares if they match or not. Okay, so now on to the story. 

So yesterday was a very busy day at church. It was Scout Sunday!!! The Cubs ran the service, as far as passing out the bulletins and taking up the offering. Then we hosting a lunch for the church. We were loading up a ton of stuff, as there were lots of leftovers. Johnny wanted to take some to the homeless people that he's been helping. (along with some other church members) So we loaded them up with a hot lunch and desserts. As we were going back and forth to the truck, I noticed a box appear on the front seat. I didn't pay any attention to it, since I thought it was something Johnny put there. When it was finally time to leave Johnny asked what the box was. I told him, I thought he put it there. He denied it. The box had dishes on it, but I really thought it was full of food for the homeless. Nope, it was full of brand new dishes. I searched the car for a note. I searched the box for a "from:". Nothing. Someone heard my conversation, or read it on facebook. (like I said, I don't remember who I told) and left us a brand new set of dishes, including silverware on the front seat of our truck!!!!

My eyes welled up with tears and this simple, yet amazing gesture towards our family. I cannot believe that someone took my ramblings to heart and felt the need to buy this set for us. It's so thoughtful and heartfelt. And then to not leave a note, to not want to be recognized. It's just so amazing! If I can't see God in that act, then I might as well be blind. I really touched my heart and made my day. So to whoever it was, thank you so very much!!!

2/3/11

The kind and generous words of my friends, family, and unknown blog followers. It's amazing how many people are happy about our big news. You all have shown such love. It's going to be a long journey, with a wonderful ending. So thank you all for the support. We love all of you!

The Big News!!!

Ok, so here it is! We've been making a decision for a few months now. Since Little Miss left our home, we've been agonizing about whether to continue foster care or not. Most people didn't know this. Most people assumed we were just waiting for our next placement. I have a deep passion for foster care, but as great at Little Man's exit was, was how awful Little Miss's was. I loved both of these children as my own. Little Miss's exit was unsure, unstable, and dragging. I knew she was getting ready to leave, but the dates kept changing. Her family wanted her with them, it was all just a mess. Even after her family got her, it still wasn't over. So we were deciding what to do next. As a family, we feel strongly about helping children, but at this point, we didn't think it was right for our family to have to say goodbye to another child. So we started talking. And talking, and praying, and talking, and praying and talking. Well, you get the point. So what is our news? Get to it already.

We have decided to adopt!!!! We prayed about it for weeks. We came to the decision to adopt pretty easily, it was the from where that was the major question. I was set on international, Ethiopia to be exact. Johnny wasn't keen on that. I wanted a baby, he didn't want to 'start over'. We looked into adopting a multi-racial child from a domestic agency. My friend had used them and at the time, they only charged fees for home studies. Sadly, they have changed their fee schedule and it was more than international. I couldn't get over the fact that it seemed like buying a baby.(this was this particular agency, and not a shot at anyone who adopts domestically) At least with international, the fees make sense, the flights, the hotels, the foster program, you're supporting the orphanages and such. But these are just American mothers living their lives. None of the money went to them, so I couldn't figure out where the "placement" fee was going to.

So after a lot of thought and prayer and talk, we decided to look into waiting children. They are mostly older kids. We have decided to add to our family from these children. As of right now, we do not have a particular child in mind. We are talking with our social workers about in-state children, and then we'll learn more about out-of-state.We are considering 1-3 children, as sibling set. We're looking at no older than 9. There are so many children available for adoption. We're excited to be adding to our family. We're looking at a girl, but will accept a sibling set with a boy in it. The boys were excited and definitely wanted a new brother over two sisters :) We talked to our amazing social worker to find out all we need to know. We have to write a narrative about our family and she's going to send it around. As of now, we are officially an adoptive family! In meantime we will be working with social services as a respite family. I'm happy to still be in helping foster families while we wait. As for how long this could take? We're not sure. We're in the lead already. We've had two foster children, we have a valid home study, and all our background checks have been cleared. So it's basically just waiting for the right children. They will be foster children for 6 months, according to the law. And then there's an additional 1-3 month wait for the official paperwork to come down. We can't wait to get started! We're grateful for any good thoughts, prayers, and support while we wait for our forever child or children. . God has blessed us beyond measure and we trust in His timing to bring us the child or children meant for us!