Closing Blog Follow Me:::

I'm closing this blog, it's just too hard to keep up with three different blogs. If you care what I have to say :) follow me at my regular blog over at Live With Laughter. I'm during at 30 thankful blog. I am posting the ideas of this blog there too. Thanks for following (all 5 of you), please visit me at LWL. Thanks!

Acting on Thoughts

So I'm not allowed to tell you about all the wonderful people at my Bible Study. I love these women and it's so nice to have a safe place as my friend explained over at Simply Complicated. But there was a sentence uttered that got my brain whirling. "If there's a thought you can ignore, a tugging on your heart, it's probably God" Or something similar to that. When our sweet A girl left, we decided not to do foster care for awhile.
     To be bare bones honest, I had a break down. I had anxiety attacks for over a week. I had two EKGs (one in the ER). I was put on Xanax and Paxil. Three doctors and one ER trip, and one therapist later, I had isolated anxiety. It was scary. My best friend, Brandy, had come down for the premiere of Harry Potter and ended up basically babysitting me for the week. (we did eventually get to see the movie) It was right before Thanksgiving and I have never in my life felt so sad and hopeless. I didn't have the desire to do anything, not Harry Potter, not the DVD release of Eclipse, not church, not Black Friday Shopping, not praying, not watching tv, not reading, nothing. I was such a feeling of emptiness. Thanks to the meds and a new doctor who is a friend, I was on the mend after that horrid week. The therapist contributed the attacks to the severe anxiety over having to say to say goodbye to another foster baby and the fact that I wasn't feeling horrible sad about it. She was the cutest baby in the world and so sweet. But she had the worst temper and didn't like me very much. She loved her "dada" I wasn't really all that sad to see her go and that made me feel worse. Okay, feelings in check now. Hindsight 20/20 and all that jazz. Paxil is a miracle drug and we'll move on with the story.
     So after she left we decided I needed a break. We all did. The kids took two back to back leavings really hard. After much prayer and talking, we decided to adopt. You've all heard the story. So as of now, we're waiting for a waiting child. A child that is legally free for adoption, and needs a home. To be honest, I'm getting a little frustrated that we haven't had any leads. I know there are over 123,000 waiting children. Why hasn't one been put in my home. All that to say this. I went to a foster care training and a new couple had gotten their first placement. A five year old girl and a three year old boy. It was like a punch in my stomach, I knew without a doubt that if I had stayed in foster care, then these would have been my children. I'm not doubting the other couples ability to take care of them or anything, I just felt sad.

   I had been thinking in the back of my mind that we should open our home in the mean time. Maybe the waiting child we are waiting for is actually not a waiting child yet. Maybe they are in foster care and we'd be able to adopt the next child in our home. Or maybe because we have a foster child, we wouldn't be able to accept the placement of our waiting child. It's just a jumble of thoughts right now. I just can't shake the feeling that we should be opening our home again. That that is how we'll get our forever child. Thank you for reading my rumblings. I guess I'm just thinking out loud today. Or err..typing out loud.

Happy Birthday Jackson

Oh, those cheeks!

Always a smile.

My darling son is 7 years old today. I can't grasp how time has flown so quickly. I love babies, all of them. They are so sweet and cuddly. Jackson came racing into the world at 10 pounds of pure baby fluff. He was a chunkster until about 2 years ago. I loved those baby cheeks so much! I'm so thankful for my blue eyed baby. With all his quirks and his out of the box thinking, he's such a daily joy! We love you Jackson Tyler!

My friends painting over at www.hattire.etsy.com

One of my favorite quotes!

Dancing with God

Our church is blessed with an amazing husband/wife team as our musical directors. They are really talented. I love the wife's voice. I get so excited when there's a solo. I could literally cry sometimes. She has the most beautiful voice. This couple has three beautiful little girls. I think the girls are so lucky to hear that voice sing them lullabies. Two of the girls are old enough for "big church" they sit in the front with their grandparents and an assortment of little friends. When the choir sings, they dance. They do ballet. They whirl and twirl and swirl. They don't talk, they don't giggle, they don't interrupt. They just dance their hearts out to the music. I love to watch them. The choir loves to watch them. You can tell by the smiles on the faces looking towards the left. The girls seem to be lost in the music.
They are dancing with God. I'm certain God is there, dancing with them. He's their partner in the music. While they are lost in the music and the moment, God is there holding their hands and guiding them. I can almost see it. I can almost see colors and ribbons floating in the air. It's such an amazing thing to watch. These little girls, with no inhibition, not yet concern what people will think, dance their little hearts out.

I pray God watches over them always. That they never lose that spark, that joy for dancing with God. That they always bring a smile to the people around them. And one day, when they are older, I hope I get the chance to tell them, that I see God in them.

For this child...

Thank You Lord for this child. May he always have a heart of gold. May he always think to bring the woman he loves flowers. For his jello stained face, can't dress himself to save his life, backtalking, adorably loving self. Thank You!

Live For Today.

I borrowed a CD from the church library and there's a song called "Live For Today" it's by Natalie Grant. It's an upbeat song. I love the chorus. "I'm going to live for today, going to follow in Your way. I'm going to let my little light shine like there's no tomorrow. I won't worry about the past, I know my future is intact. So I choose to live my life in one way, I'm going to live for today." I love that. I made that my status on facebook. I, however, have to sit back and think. Do I really live like that? The honest answer is, no I do not. I'm not a worrier. I'm a thinker. I think think think about things. I think about things that would probably not happen. I think about what I should have said in that conversation. I think about what I will say in a future conversation (again, that may never happen). One of my favorite Bible verses is the good old "

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."~Mathew 6:34

I have to think this often. I also love the verses that come before this:

  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."~Mathew 6:25-34


Can any one of you by worry add a single hour to your life? How amazing is that. No amount of my worrying or over thinking about the future or about the past can add a single second to my life. Why should I waster any of my precious seconds/minutes/hours/or even days worrying or over thinking. I know I'm going to be provided for and taken care of. 


As Natalie sings. I want to "live for today" I want to enjoy the moments right in front of me. I want to shine and be happy where I am and happy do whatever it is that I'm doing at this moment. This applies to my prayer life. I drift, I start thinking about other things, then I start imagining those non-existent conversations again. All the while, I see God waiting patiently and thinking "Ahem, you were having a conversation with ME." I want to be involved in the moment. 


I know there are future things one should think about. But not worrying. Worrying can't add a single hour to my life. So here's to living life for today. I'm going to give it a shot.

YSALLMN

I think that might be our new license plate. YSALLMN or HNDSFUL or HRTSFUL. Or maybe I should just have a shirt made up. I did get a new one today "Looks like you're feeding an army!" :) Oh I can't wait for the looks when I have one or two more.